FEAR

Moving is a pain in the butt!  It's adventure and I love it and I hate it!  I think the hardest thing I would say is leaving my job to find another one.  Switching a teaching certificate is easy but takes a long time!!!!!  You move you apply for your certificate in a different state!  I had to wait almost two months meaning I couldnt apply for any teaching positions until I heard from the state. 

Getting on facebook to see teachers going back to school killed my heart!  Not preparing my room killed my heart!  I think SAISD still has me on their caller list and called me about a big meeting and I wanted to cry!  I actually think I did!  Seeing everyones kids all dressed up and ready for school made me cry!  Im a teacher not for a pay check!  Im a teacher to make a difference in someones life and I can't do it from my couch at home!!!

My first interview was at an alterative school....which I bascially didn't get because I really think that they feared that I wouldn't be able to protective myself lol!  I finally got my letter from the state and was able to interview for a six grade teaching position!  Then finding out that they decided to add a theatre teacher and that I should apply!  When I first started working on my certificate people would tell me I would never find a teaching job in theatre!  Wrong!!!  In San Antonio I taught k through 8 theatre!! Something most people would never heard of!  When looking at teaching here I knew that I would be teaching elementary ed because they do not have many position for full time theatre teacher!!!  So when I had my interview for the job I made sure I was prepared for whatever they may throw at me!  But when they took my hand and said welcome to Workman I seriously was wanting to scream and dance in my heart!!!  I walked to my car....got in and cried!   Not having a job sucks for one thing!! But not being able to teach was killing my heart!!!

I'm soo nervous for monday!!! Like really nervous!  In hopes that I will be everything that they think I would be.  Also, that my students love me... I'm soo nervous to start a new place!!!!  Like soo scared to get back in to the classroom in a new school!  I'm excited but fear is setting in!!! 

God is soo Amazing!!!  I don't think life could get any better!!  Wonderful family, amazing husband, I got on a cover a mag., I GOT A JOB IN THEATRE!!!! 

I'm writting this because I keep thinking of the classroom that I will walk into on Monday... I'm scared soo scared...please keep me in your prayers that I will do well!  That I will make a difference!

So how'd you loose that weight?

I have gotten many messages on how I lost weight.  I think everyone suffers with their weight.  Sometimes people even want to gain it!  Lets see there are many ways I have lost weight!  For one year I did atkins!  I ate 25 carbs a day and worked out twice a day.  The YMCA Downtown San Antonio was my home.  Then I finished my last two years of college and got in a relationship and gained it all back.  I have tried jenny craig, weight watchers,  ha even one time in college my friend kathleen and I did that thing where you drink that nasty lemon drink!!!  We lasted two days.  You name it I have tried it.  My brother guy was really the inspiration.  My brother guy had weight loss surgery.  Gastric sleeve is the name of the surgery.  Meaning that they go in and cut 85 percent of your stomach out and throw it away lol I never wanted to do surgery because I was embarrassed by it.  My brother lost over 200 pounds and looks smoking hot!  My mother one time asked me if I would do it.  I got in a big fight with her and was soo upset by it.  A year later and weighing my heightest I have ever had of 261 I decided that I had to make a change.

So we found belite!  Belite offers weightloss surgery for way cheaper then the United States they offer it Tijuana Mexico and Juarez... Yep Juarez the most dangerous city in Mexico lol.  They pick you up at the airport and then take you across the boarder and take you to a hopsital that is for the embassy.  I know sounds freaking crazy nuts!  But I decided I was going to do it and my mom decided she was going to do it to!  We had enough of dealing with weight.     My husband or fiancee at the time was about to deploy to Iraq and thought I was crazy for doing it but supported me!

On March 11 I had gastric sleeve.  You have to do a diet for two weeks of no carbs then liquid after surgery for two weeks then slowly can eat.   Many people say that weightloss surgery is a easy route! I laugh at that.  I know many people who have had the lab band, gastric bypass, and the sleeve and guess what they gained it all back!  There is nothing easy about it!   Cutting 85 percent of your stomach out hmmm doesn't sound easy to me!  Sounds pretty damn brave if you ask me.  Weight loss surgery has been a big tool for me.  The fact in the matter is that its just a tool and you also hit weeks where you don't loose weight and you have hit the gym.  You have to change the way you eat and think about food!  Nothing easy about it!  Alot of the time eating is very mental and you have to work on that part yourself! But it has saved my life!

It really hit me that I needed it when I went to visit Ryan in Balitmore I got on the plane and the seat belt barely fit! can you imagin how awful and embarassed I felt!! I'm dying to get on one now.  I write this for people who want to know about my  weight loss or who are to scared and want information! 

I think we think of Mexico as this crazy dangerous place.  It was the nicest hosptial that I have ever been to in my life.  The service was beyond anything that I have experienced in my life.  It's been a year and almost a half my mom has lost more then 65 pounds and I have lost around 105.  The most important goals though haven't been on that scale.  The most important things that I have gained are actually things I can do in the gym!  I can run a mile,  I can bike for hours,  I can do a stair stepper longer then my husband!!! who is very fit!  I used a trainer in San Antonio (I call her my Julian Michaels)  She told me I can do anything!  I believe her!  The truth of the matter is there is no easy answer out there but there are alot of tools!  If you take the tools and make smarter choices you can change your life.

I don't go screaming about weightloss surgery on facebook because I think people have different ways of loosing weight.  I also thought people may look down on me for it! But I kind of wanted to just help anyone whoever thought about doing it and was too scared!  I

 

Me and a great friend Bianca 2003

 

 

My whole life I have had weight issues!  I was the chubby kid growing up!  Weight has defined me my whole life!  I wasn't a popular kid in high school nor would I say I was a nerd.  But I was picked on during school.. I heard the awful comments of shes a pig..etc... I remember one time a football player telling my best friend who got me a christmas gift if its not food shes not going to like it.  It hurt me me and stuck with me through my whole life.  As I write this right now I'm embarassed by it.  I actually feel like the girl from Never been kissed telling her story and how that part of my life didn't define me!


Throughout college I continued to struggle with my weight... I was able to loose it off and on!  finally I am down to my goal weight and loosing 105 pounds ... I still hear that guys voice in the back of my head when I'm on a spin bike.  As a teacher I see kids get bullied and thats one thing I wont stand for... I hope that when that guy grows up that he doesn't teach his kids that.  But in the end those comments got me going....  I use to think if someone would actually love me... That's so sad to say that growing up I thought no one in the their mind would fall in love with this mess.  Boy was I wrong... I found a man who loved me no matter what I looked like!    The most important thing I learned was that anything is possible!  I recently got married and my dream always was to wear a puffy dress but I could never do it because I was too big!  So I was determine to get that dress and let me tell you I did!

You may ask why I write all of this...what could make me want to vent... I've had some big news that I would like to share!!! I'M THE COVER OF THE WEDDING GUIDE! This blog is for that little girl who has a dream of being a princess but thinks it could never be possible... For that kid who gets made fun of because hes gay.... people will not define you!!! You define yourself!  I've been dying to share this with you!

My cousin was in Davds bridal with a friend I believe and she had the mag. in her hand and she said omg let me see that!  That's my cousin!!!!  Tonight I got a text of this picture.... and I couldn't help but dance!  The Caterpillar turned into a butterfly.  Never let anyone or anything define your dreams!  Sorry its blurry its from a phone..

                   Me before......

 

 

 

Me Now!

Thank you to the San Antonio Wedding Guide for making my dreams come true!

Thank you to the best photographer and video   Limelight photography!